1 00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:03,802 [cow mooing on TV] 2 00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,537 Mind if I change the channel? 3 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:07,506 Shh, I'm watching something. 4 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,608 Thanks. You're a champ. Hand me the remote. 5 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:13,012 - No. - But I've seen this before. 6 00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:18,517 The guy gets gang-hoofed by a bunch of really stupid cows. 7 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:22,187 - ALF. - Okay, they're smart cows. 8 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,657 They just freak in large groups. 9 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,092 Would you be quiet? 10 00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,360 You're not getting your way 11 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,596 just because you spoiled the end of my movie. 12 00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:32,031 I didn't spoil it. 13 00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:34,533 It ends with his girlfriend going insane 14 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:37,369 and singing about corn. 15 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,139 It was Shelley Winters' finest moment. 16 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:44,810 - ALF! - But "Crime Stoppers" is on. 17 00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:48,747 I am not watching "Crime Stoppers" again. 18 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,749 What's wrong with a show that asks its viewers 19 00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:54,119 to hunt down dangerous felons for a buck? 20 00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,155 It's base and demeaning. 21 00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:01,960 Well, excuse me, Miss Brideshead Revisited. 22 00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:05,064 Okay. Here. You win. 23 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,066 You always win. 24 00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:09,301 [changing channels] 25 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:11,370 Nice kid, but she's got no taste. 26 00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,706 Our next suspect has left a trail of broken hearts 27 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:18,544 and empty bank accounts, all across this country. 28 00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,746 Not another TV evangelist. 29 00:01:22,016 --> 00:01:25,084 Our suspect is wanted for polygamy and fraud. 30 00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:27,719 He was last seen in Tallahassee seven years ago 31 00:01:27,721 --> 00:01:30,422 'after marrying at least eight different women' 32 00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,657 'and bilking them out of' 33 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:34,126 hundreds of thousands of dollars. 34 00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,994 Have you seen him? 35 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,729 Yeah! 36 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,399 He's in the kitchen. 37 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,602 [theme music] 38 00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,869 [music continues] 39 00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:43,829 [instrumental music] 40 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:48,600 Victims who have come forward have described our suspect 41 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:52,371 as anything from boring to nondescript. 42 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:56,275 I knew it. I knew it. I knew Willie was hiding something. 43 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,809 The way he keeps to himself 44 00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:01,013 pretending he doesn't enjoy our company. 45 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,981 But I always thought if Willie was a criminal 46 00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:06,852 he'd be one of those quiet sniper types. 47 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:10,155 (man on TV) 'The state of Florida is offering a $10,000 reward' 48 00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:12,724 'for information leading to his capture.' 49 00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,961 Do you really think it's Willie? 50 00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,230 Well, add up the clues. Look at the guy. 51 00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:22,701 Same weak chin, same high forehead, same slopy eyes. 52 00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,205 Apparently, some women found it a noble chin 53 00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:30,175 a classic forehead and bedroom eyes. 54 00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:32,477 What are you, starting to fall for him? 55 00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:35,214 No, honey. However, if he is the man they're looking for 56 00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,116 he must have something women want. 57 00:03:38,118 --> 00:03:39,885 And maybe, if you asked Willie nicely 58 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:42,521 he'd show you what it is. 59 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:43,989 What's that supposed to mean? 60 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,958 Well, it wouldn't hurt for you to learn something 61 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:47,993 about romancing the opposite sex. 62 00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:50,629 I'm already married. Why bother? 63 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:53,632 - You're such a lug. - Oh, yeah? 64 00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:57,536 Well, maybe this lug is just gonna call that 800 number 65 00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:01,240 and claim his $10,000 reward. 66 00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,409 Willie Tanner, or whoever he is this week, is our friend. 67 00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:09,281 He has never done anything to us, and particularly to me. 68 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:12,684 And until he does, we're gonna leave him alone. 69 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,923 (man on TV) 'If you have any information on our suspect' 70 00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:21,026 we ask that you not confront him directly. 71 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:25,464 Warning a suspect will likely put him back on the run. 72 00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:27,532 I can't believe it! 73 00:04:27,534 --> 00:04:30,602 My Willie, a stud? 74 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,004 Yeah! 75 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:36,942 But what if Willie is this guy? 76 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:40,379 Will I turn him in or hide him? 77 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:43,849 The high road or the low road? 78 00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:47,052 Oh, why can't things ever be black or white? 79 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,155 Hi, ALF. What you watchin'? 80 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,157 Uh, nothing that had to do with your father 81 00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:54,259 if that's what you're implying. 82 00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:56,895 - Okay. - But since you brought it up.. 83 00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,432 - How is your father? - I guess he's fine. 84 00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:03,502 You have any brothers or sisters you don't know about? 85 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:06,905 ALF, have you been hitting the catnip again? 86 00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,774 No, I'm fine, I'm fine. 87 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:12,644 Just wanna know, how long have you known your cad? Dad, dad! 88 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,914 - All my life, I guess. - Is that right. 89 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:17,716 What about when you were between the ages 90 00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:20,519 of, say, zero and three? 91 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,554 Those years are pretty much a blur. 92 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:25,791 Ah-ha! So it's possible! 93 00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,225 He may have gone on side trips 94 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:30,429 to a place called Tallahassee, for instance. 95 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,132 Lynn's here. Can I go now? 96 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:36,401 Yeah. Nice jawing with ya. 97 00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:40,305 - What's with him? - Beats me. 98 00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,908 He's been acting really weird lately. 99 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,043 - Hey, Lynn. - Hmm? 100 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:48,113 Has your father ever left for long periods of time 101 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,349 then come back with less energy 102 00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:54,753 pockets full of money, and a big smile on his face? 103 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:58,056 Why didn't I go away to college? 104 00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,425 Well, the kids are a wash. 105 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:04,062 And I can't ask Willie about it or he'll skip town 106 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:08,900 leaving me with Kate, a woman scorned. 107 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:13,305 Well, at least there'd be no personality change. 108 00:06:13,307 --> 00:06:16,174 [instrumental music] 109 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,853 Catching a few Z's? 110 00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:31,957 - Not at the moment. - Oh. 111 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,892 Well, since you're having trouble sleeping 112 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:37,028 have you ever thought about changing your appearance? 113 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,699 [sighs] No, I haven't. 114 00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,234 Go away. 115 00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,377 - ALF? - Yeah? 116 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,848 Why did you just put a wig on my head? 117 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,550 Pretty natural, huh? 118 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,288 Why are you doing this to me? 119 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:08,026 You know what they say, Willie, it's the wig that makes the man. 120 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,095 I'm not wearing a wig. 121 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:14,466 - Certainly not that one. - Okay. 122 00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:17,269 Then perhaps these glasses would enhance 123 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:20,705 your already ruggedly-handsome face 124 00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,675 - ALF. - Alright, then try these. 125 00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:27,579 You know what they say about men with big ears.. 126 00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:32,317 What-what are you doing with all this stuff? 127 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:36,855 Well, you wanna look dapper for that cruise, don't you? 128 00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,558 - Cruise? - Yes, Willie Tanner. 129 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:43,428 You have won a luxury cruise to the Bahamas! 130 00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,930 A cruise? 131 00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:48,600 You mean you won a radio contest or something? 132 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,402 Yeah, that works. 133 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:55,173 Of course, it doesn't include airfare, meals, gratuities 134 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,542 or the actual cruise itself. 135 00:07:57,544 --> 00:08:00,445 Go out the back way. 136 00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:04,115 The only place I'm going is to take a nap. 137 00:08:04,117 --> 00:08:08,453 Good, then wear the ears. You'll sleep better. 138 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,024 [telephone ringing] 139 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,864 Hello? 140 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:21,399 Willie? Uh.. 141 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:24,603 No, Willie doesn't live here anymore. 142 00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:30,041 He's, uh, he's in the Bahamas, diving for spare change. 143 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:33,245 Hey, he's following his dream. Bye. 144 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:39,784 - Who were you just talking to? - Uh, no one. 145 00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,620 I know what you were doing, you were checking up 146 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,154 on Willie, weren't you? 147 00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:45,056 So what if I was? 148 00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:48,126 Trevor, you leave that man alone. 149 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:51,296 - Did he ask about me? - No. 150 00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,633 He disguised his voice and said he moved to the Bahamas. 151 00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:57,435 Raquel, the guy's guilty as sin. 152 00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:03,275 Well, then that means that he's guilty of.. Ooh! 153 00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:05,210 - That does it. - What are you doing? 154 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:08,179 - You are not turning him in. - Be strong, Raquel. 155 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:12,150 Don't give in to your urges. You never have in the past. 156 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:15,086 Then I refuse to be a party to this. 157 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,022 The man committed a crime. 158 00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,257 We can't ignore our civic duty. 159 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:22,627 And don't ask me to compromise my morals. 160 00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,496 Hello, "Crime Stoppers?" 161 00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,798 I hope you're ready to cough up ten grand. 162 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,601 [instrumental music] 163 00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:34,072 Hi, St. John's Hospital? 164 00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,275 I'd like some information on face transplants. 165 00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:41,646 No, I'm quite happy with mine, thank you. 166 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:43,381 It's for a friend. 167 00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,785 - ALF. - I'll call you back. 168 00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:52,924 ALF, why would you wanna know about...face transplants? 169 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,328 Well, I thought it'd be nice to see some new faces around here. 170 00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,029 [laughs] 171 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,966 We're happy with the old ones. 172 00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,834 Thanks, just the same. 173 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:05,103 Okay, your call. 174 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,238 - Honey? - Yes, dear. 175 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,441 Have you seen my shoes? 176 00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:13,311 - What, the brown wingtips? - No. Any of them? 177 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,847 They're all gone. 178 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:18,984 Now you can stay around the house and out of trouble. 179 00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:22,754 I know, let's spend the day in the middle of the room 180 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:25,590 and stay away from the windows. 181 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,626 [doorbell rings] 182 00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,060 I'll get it. 183 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:34,733 - Get me my shoes. - I can't. 184 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:38,203 Get me my shoes. 185 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:40,939 Trust me. You have beautiful feet. 186 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,141 Display them proudly. 187 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,510 (Kate) 'Willie?' 188 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,652 [sighs] Willie.. 189 00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,921 These gentlemen are here to see you. 190 00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,658 They say they're from...the FBI. 191 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,593 FBI? 192 00:11:01,595 --> 00:11:02,827 Mind if we come in, sir? 193 00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:06,131 - No, of course not. - What is this about? 194 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:08,299 Can I tell them? Can I tell them? 195 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,335 Go ahead. Knock yourself out. 196 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,703 Uh, we'd like you to come downtown 197 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:13,638 and answer the charges of embezzlement 198 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:18,076 interstate trafficking, fraud, and here's the biggie, polygamy. 199 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,678 Get your shoes. 200 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,515 Polygamy? That-that is absurd. 201 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,717 You obviously have the wrong man. 202 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,887 Oh, well, then it's our mistake. Sorry for the trouble. 203 00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:31,089 We'll be on our way. 204 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:34,492 See, everybody thinks we're just all business. 205 00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,662 Where could you possibly get the idea 206 00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:40,532 that I could ever be guilty of any of those things? 207 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,033 Somebody matching your description 208 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,569 was plastered all over "Crime Stoppers" last night. 209 00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:47,572 A greedy viewer turned you in. 210 00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,140 What's going on? 211 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,475 These men are from the FBI. 212 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:55,180 They seem to think I resemble somebody they want. 213 00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:58,650 Is it someone who comes from Tallahassee? 214 00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,652 What do you know about Florida, son? 215 00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:04,189 Uh, somebody asked me if dad had ever been there. 216 00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:08,893 Ah, now I'm beginning to understand 217 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,830 the source of the confusion. 218 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,865 So could you clue us in? 219 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,367 Actually, no, I can't. 220 00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:19,003 - Would you come with us? - Oh, is that really necessary? 221 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,372 I mean, couldn't you just leave a questionnaire behind 222 00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:24,275 or something? I-I-I swear I'll be honest. 223 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,677 It isn't gonna work. 224 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:28,179 We know all about the Bahamian getaway. 225 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:31,082 How'd you know about that? I mean.. What? 226 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,517 Oh, I mean.. 227 00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,787 Never mind. 228 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,188 Let's go. 229 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,423 Aren't you gonna take your shoes? 230 00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,658 I don't have any. 231 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,461 Next Father's Day, you ought to drop a hint. 232 00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,132 [door closes] 233 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:49,334 Willie's been caught. 234 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:52,270 Kate thinks I turned him in. 235 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:56,274 I'm gonna end up hung by my neck in a Chinese deli. 236 00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,610 (Kate) 'ALF, get in here!' 237 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,551 [instrumental music] 238 00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:09,888 Okay. 239 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,423 I'll give you two hints, and then that's it. 240 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:15,894 "Irreconcilable Differences," "The Main Event." 241 00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,695 Oh. I got it. 242 00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:21,266 - Bad Shelley Long movies. - Nope. 243 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,369 - Okay, I give up. - Bad Ryan O'Neal movies. 244 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,805 - Oh. - "Paper Moon." 245 00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,173 No, that was a good one. 246 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:31,643 - "Oliver's Story." - Ooh! 247 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,712 "Fever Pitch," "Partners," "So Fine." 248 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:38,416 Oh, shoot me and get it over with. 249 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,685 Nobody's shooting anybody yet. 250 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,220 Just wait in here with the others. 251 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,756 We'll process you as soon as we can. 252 00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:45,957 Others? 253 00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:48,860 Hello. 254 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,904 Oh, who threw their gum on the floor? 255 00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:01,339 [groans] 256 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,011 ALF? 257 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,187 [gasps] 258 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,756 Too bad this isn't a pine box. 259 00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:21,559 Could we discuss this after you've calmed down 260 00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:25,063 and I've had time to make travel arrangements? 261 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:27,398 ALF, I don't understand you. 262 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,667 Did I mention I'm a bleeder? 263 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:32,770 How could you do this to Willie 264 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,607 after all the things that he's done for you? 265 00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:38,676 I knew you'd finger me. Hence the box. 266 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:42,680 But you're wrong, Kate. I didn't turn him in. 267 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,616 Friends? 268 00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,985 You saw the show, you grilled Lynn and Brian 269 00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:50,955 you jumped to conclusions, and somebody did call the FBI. 270 00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:53,358 Well, sure, when you group them all together like that 271 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,959 it sounds bad. 272 00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:57,829 But I was only trying to keep him from running away. 273 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:02,500 Willie is not a polygamist. 274 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,702 Oh, sure, Kate! 275 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:08,172 But just in case he's gone forever 276 00:15:08,174 --> 00:15:10,008 we still have his memories. 277 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,643 And his house. 278 00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:14,779 And we can find a way to keep it if you agree to work nights. 279 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:20,485 I cannot talk to you now. I am too mad! 280 00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,186 Is that 24-hour mad 281 00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:26,491 or dissect-the-alien mad? 282 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,060 If you wake up, you'll know. 283 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,563 [groans] 284 00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:39,837 Um, excuse me, uh, do you have a moment? 285 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,407 [scoffs] 286 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:46,878 - How.. Yeah. What is it? - Well.. 287 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,913 The guys and I were wondering if you wanted 288 00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:50,381 to get in on our pool? 289 00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,450 - What are you betting on? - Oh, ha. 290 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,486 Well, which one of us, if any, is guilty. 291 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,622 Costs $5 to buy in. 292 00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:02,193 Uh, I'm not sure that that would really be appropriate. 293 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,895 Can you vote for yourself? 294 00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,764 I'm in. 295 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,937 Tanner? Your story checked. You're free to go. 296 00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:16,140 What a relief. Kate must be worried sick by now! 297 00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,775 Hey, wait, wait! 298 00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:22,046 Where are you going? I'm Willie Tanner. Remember? 299 00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:24,782 Well, you guys all look alike to me. 300 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:28,920 Nice try, Mr. Fusco. 301 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,891 Well, Trevor, Raquel. 302 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,861 - 'What are you doing here?' - Uh, uh, Tanner. 303 00:16:36,863 --> 00:16:40,131 Uh, Raquel is thinking of getting into law enforcement. 304 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,432 Isn't that right, Raquel? 305 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,469 Trevor, they've stripped him of his shoes. 306 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,571 I told you it could get ugly. 307 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:49,240 You'd better get used to that if you wanna wear the badge. 308 00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:51,409 Oh, shut up! 309 00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:54,545 Well, on your way home, eh, Mr. Tanner? 310 00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,749 I know we're not supposed to say this 311 00:16:57,751 --> 00:17:01,185 but you looked so darned scared. 312 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,954 Sorry, guy. 313 00:17:02,956 --> 00:17:06,524 Well, Mr. Ochmonek, turns out your boy isn't a polygamist. 314 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,193 He's just a barefoot social worker. 315 00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,300 You turned me in? 316 00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:17,935 Ho-how could you? 317 00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:21,973 You know, come to think of it, his eyes are kind of slopy. 318 00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:25,043 Yeah, you look exactly like the guy on TV. 319 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:28,312 Well, of course. For heaven's sake, pick up the phone 320 00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:30,148 and have me hauled in. 321 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:33,451 That's exactly what we did. What are you whining about? 322 00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:36,120 I can't believe this. After all these years of being neighbors. 323 00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:39,891 I can't believe you'd sell me out for a few thousand dollars. 324 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:41,125 $10,000. 325 00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:46,097 Look, I'm really, very, very sorry. 326 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:50,101 But it is nice to know I can still dredge up a fantasy life. 327 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,737 Thank you. 328 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:56,541 - Need a ride? - Are you starting again? 329 00:17:56,543 --> 00:17:59,077 [instrumental music] 330 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,578 No, I can't. 331 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:04,048 I have to stay home until my dad gets out of prison. 332 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,750 (Kate) Brian! 333 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,652 It's something about marrying lots of women 334 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,420 and taking all their money. 335 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,823 But I'm not allowed to talk about it. Bye. 336 00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:14,025 [car engine rumbling] 337 00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:18,029 Oh, it's your dad! 338 00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:22,100 But why is he getting out of the Ochmoneks' car? 339 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,902 - Does he look hardened? - It's a tough call. 340 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,237 [clattering] 341 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:29,740 But he did just kick over one of their lawn flamingos. 342 00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,779 - Hi, everybody. - Dad, you're free! 343 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,914 Oh, honey, I'm so glad you're home! 344 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,449 (Lynn) We missed you, dad. 345 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,486 - Was jail horrible? - Oh, uh.. 346 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:44,222 Would've been nicer with shoes. 347 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:47,625 All I want now is to sit down to a nice quiet supper 348 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:50,194 and put this whole mess behind me. 349 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:55,366 Willie! Oh, Willie, I knew you were innocent! 350 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:58,936 I'm so excited, I could leave a spot right here on the carpet! 351 00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,673 Honey, I'm gonna tell you something 352 00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:05,743 that I never thought I would ever say. 353 00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:09,147 What, you weren't voted Miss Congeniality, were you? 354 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:12,550 That would almost be easier to accept. 355 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:15,953 Thee fact of the matter is, ALF here 356 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,855 had nothing to do with this. 357 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,591 It was the Ochmoneks that turned me in. 358 00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:22,126 Hallelujah! 359 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,896 ¶ Oh when the saints come marching in ¶ 360 00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:26,697 ¶ Oh, when the saints.. Everybody, come on! ¶¶ 361 00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:30,001 ALF, I hate to interrupt a good gloat 362 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,969 but why didn't you come to me 363 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,971 if you thought I was in trouble? 364 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,607 'Cause the man on TV said that if you were the guy 365 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:39,310 you might take it on the lam. 366 00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,512 I didn't wanna lose ya. 367 00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,681 You were trying to hide me. 368 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:47,051 That's what all that stuff was for, isn't it? 369 00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:51,689 Hey, I figured after all these years of you protecting me 370 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,091 it was the least I could do for you. 371 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:59,664 I have to admit, that's a very noble gesture. 372 00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:03,601 Done in an all-too-familiar twisted way. 373 00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,236 Thanks. 374 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,206 Honey, why don't you go wash your feet? We'll have dinner. 375 00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:11,776 Kids, you wanna set the table? I'll be in in just a second. 376 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:19,951 Well, ALF, uh, it seems that I owe you an apology. 377 00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:22,420 I said a lot of things to you that were unfair 378 00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:26,057 and if I hurt you, I'm sorry. 379 00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:29,126 Why is it I get along with everybody else in this family 380 00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:31,929 but you and I never seem to click? 381 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:34,665 My guess is, it's you. 382 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:40,504 We're clicking, we're clicking. 383 00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:43,708 [instrumental music] 384 00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:51,716 [instrumental music] 385 00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,752 [giggling] 386 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,288 What's so funny? 387 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:58,489 Nothing, honey. 388 00:20:58,491 --> 00:21:00,291 [giggling] 389 00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,693 It's that polygamy thing again, isn't it? 390 00:21:02,695 --> 00:21:05,396 No, honey. It's j-just something I'm reading. 391 00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:10,067 "Khadhafi Stockpiling Nerve Gas." 392 00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:13,204 That Muammar, what a prankster! 393 00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:14,538 Okay, okay, I.. 394 00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:17,041 Honey, I was just trying to imagine you with all of those.. 395 00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:18,843 [giggles] All of those women. 396 00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,811 I mean, no, not that it couldn't happen. 397 00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:24,282 I still find you totally irresistible. 398 00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,650 Really. 399 00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,785 - Apology accepted. - Okay. 400 00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:29,654 Let's drop it. 401 00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:31,289 No, keep going, Kate! 402 00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:35,559 Come on, we've both seen him in the shower. 403 00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:39,797 We're dropping this conversation right now, thank you. 404 00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:46,304 Well, if you need me, I'll be down on the corner 405 00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:49,407 listening to rap music with the bros. 406 00:21:49,409 --> 00:21:52,810 Wait, wait, wait. Where do you think you're going? 407 00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:55,279 Say what? 408 00:21:55,281 --> 00:21:58,082 That's not much of a disguise, you know? 409 00:21:58,084 --> 00:22:00,818 You're right, if I had a little black bow 410 00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:03,487 I could go as Rose Marie. 411 00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:05,356 [chuckling] 412 00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:17,368 [theme music] 413 00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:40,391 [music continues] 414 00:22:42,895 --> 00:22:44,962 [ALF laughs]